Advantageous Character Trait Turned Upsidedown

Credit to my son for planting the seed for this posting -- his own awareness is what picked up on it.

So, when my older boys were mites and squirts and we were hard core into the Brick team tryouts and things, I noticed that the kids most often "picked" were also the kids that frequently found themselves at the front of the line...even before the players had even been evaluated or ranked or whatever.

And it makes sense too -- the player that goes first has everyone's eyes on them.

The kid that goes fifth or six just kinda blends in to the pack.

There is an absolute advantage to making your way to the front of the line.

Literally, it's the secret ingredient to getting ahead.

And I think back, pretty sure it was one of the squirt teams, we had a parent that openly instructed his son to be first in line for every drill, every time.

It worked out that he was pretty solidly the most talented kid on the team anyway but being first in line for everything showcased it even more.

Kid scored the most goals, got the most ice time, started every period.

100% deserved.

But a year later, we had a problem.

There was another one of those kids on the roster.

And his dad was telling his kid the same thing?!

And, legit, they'd come to blows in practice, fighting, to be first in line for a skating drill that involved skating around stationary cones.

No joke, tripping the kid in front of them as the whistle blew was commonplace.

Coach would call out for 2 hard laps and while the rest of the team was doing two medium to low effort laps, these two were essentially competing in roller derby...even though they're both too young to even know what that is.

Neither would ever finish "first" cause they'd take each other out behind the net.

Nothing quite like hearing two kids crash into the end boards...during warm-up laps.

It was ludicrous...

And, look, you've seen it before.

Maybe not that obvious...but you've witnessed it.

There are kids that go to the bench during a game for a line change and then insist on parking themselves right at the door all but daring the volunteer dad at the door not to let them out again on the next shift.

Um...no.

That's not how it should work, yet, it happens everywhere and it's usually the dominant players doing it.

It's that dominant alpha personality at play.

All about me.

Hockey Parent Hack -- I'm not guilty of telling my kids to be "first" in line for anything ever.

Well...maybe to strive to be first out of the locker room. Yeah, I do do that...

Aside from that, though, I consider it obnoxious and rude to push to the front in any situation -- I'm a pushover, myself, doormat even...but I am absolutely guilty of warning them to never be last.

If the coach says, six lines on the goal line...don't join the longest line that has two more players than all of the others.

Make a decision quickly, stick to it, and try to be third or fourth in any line.

Far enough back not to have to "compete" with the juvenile pushing and shoving of the alphas but not so far back that you're written off before it's even your turn.

At the mite level, I've always instructed my kids to just keep moving back in line to avoid getting caught up in the pushing and shoving in line.

At that age, experience has taught me, it's not worth it.

Blow the doors off those kids pushing and shoving when you're a teenager...if any of them are even still playing.

In that video above, my kid is the one kid that doesn't push and shove -- he's the one that skates over to the defensive door and steps calmly on to the bench. Two other players follow.

I don't know those other two players...but I'd bet money they're ahead of all the kids pushing and shoving at the other door today, five years later.

So, fast forward nearly a decade and my son, on the way home laments about the "alphas" messing up every single drill and ruining practice.

I kinda took it as a teenage vent -- much ado about nothing -- but then decided to re-watch the practive on LiveBarn the next day to see if he was just in a crappy state of mind or if he was on to something.

He was pretty hot about it -- wasted ice time is not something he enjoys.

What I watched, though, was pure comedy.

I mean, disappointing.

But funny too.

At the bantam and midget levels, it's never "six lines on the goal line" prepping to skate around cones or anything...usually three or four groups that each have a very specific task to complete in a break out or maybe an o-zone set up.

Set play stuff.

Ten times out of ten, they're timing drills that require crisp passing.

You do your job so your teammates know where you're going to be before you even go there.

It's that whole "well oiled machine" thing at play that I've long, and so often, claimed my non-superstar, third or fourth in line, kids are super valuable cogs in.

Whistle would blow, the alphas would take off...and the frustrated coach would blow the whistle again within seconds.

They did it wrong.

All of them.

Reset!

Whistle blew...and they did it wrong again. One did the exact same thing he'd done on the first attempt.

Back of the line boys, a brief lecture about the importance of paying attention, and the number 2's went.

Same deal.

"No, fellas."

"Bring it in. C'mon... Show of hands, who doesn't know what we're trying to do here?"

No hands go up...as expected.

Predictable, even.

Now, even more predictable, you already know that my kid went third and his group nailed it -- exactly how the coaching staff wanted it to go.

Not lying, it's true.

And, sure, you could say it's cause my kid (and the rest of his group) got to watch the other kids screw it up before them.

And, yeah, that might be true too. There's a benefit to not going first. Let someone else be the guinea pig.

But, rewinding the LiveBarn feed...my kid "was" first in his line at the onset before a couple players, less than casually, just cut in front.

The other two groups, same type of thing.

Machismo pecking orders will never go away in athletics. It is what it is.

The "fake it til you make it" strategy might work for a little bit, risks do have rewards, but it's also a really short sited way of going about things.

But my kid's observation was spot on -- a character trait that used to be a HUGE asset (being first) was now a HUGE liability for those exact same players.

And that's been my among favorite parts of watching my kids progress through the levels of hockey.

The scales absolutely tip in favor of the smart and coachable kids over the formerly dominant bigger and stronger kids.

Part of that is just physical growth -- some 9 year olds resemble grown men. All 15 year olds do.

And that's a hard adjustment to make if you've always been bigger and stronger...and then, sometime during the bantam years, you're not the big kid any more.

Your advantage starts to disappear...and it's not really your fault, either. It's almost not fair.

I've heard more experienced parents say that "Puberty is the great equalizer"...and they're right.

Size and strength are important, for sure, but that thing between the ears is what really sets players apart...

Speaking of that thing between the ears, what is the deal with high school aged kids wearing their helmets so loose and with cages that are clearly too big and improperly attached?

I know the answer -- I do, in fact, have a couple teenagers living in my house.

It's "sty".

They're word, not mine.

I think it's stupid. My word.

Layed into my own kid when I saw his helmet flopping down over his eyebrows and his cage hanging out at a 45 degree angle.

We don't play with him any more, that kid that always used to be first in line as a squirt, but I can only imagine the torment it would cause him -- and his father -- if a coach specifically told my kid to move to the front of the line ahead of him.

But that is one thing I've noticed -- all of my kids' coaches specifically pick certain players to demo drills with...and it's seldom to be a player that I'd classify as an alpha.

Maybe youth hockey is getting better?

Or maybe I've just chased great coaches like I've always preached to do in so many of these postings.

Follow the coaching.

Follow the coaching!

South Kent, anyone?

Agree? Disagree? Let me know -- I love the feedback from all angles!

Chris Rutsch

Hockey Dad

Year round, I spend a significant amount of time and money transporting my three boys to and from freezing cold ice rinks. Not because I expect them to make it to the NHL but because I know the rigorous youth hockey experience will serve them well in the future.