Hockey Family Drama

"You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family."

And based on the amount of time spent with the team during the season, they qualify as family.

Compared to other youth sports, I think this is where hockey -- travel hockey especially -- wins out over all other options.

Teammates are like brothers and sisters.

Other parents are aunts and uncles. Siblings are cousins.

Once your child is on a team, it quickly becomes an extended family and an awesome social experience.

It's pretty neat when the team goes out to a restaurant or some other team event and you know everyone in the building. Like, everyone.

The downside is that it really is just like a "real" family meaning it's filled with weird uncles, feral cousins, and that guy you have absolutely nothing in common with...

Put together, they all bring along a lot of un-needed drama....and, boy, sometimes it's as exhausting as smiling through an epic holiday family gathering you'd rather not be attending...except it's four times per week.

Learn how to separate yourself from the drama.

I cannot stress that enough so I'll say it again.

Learn how to separate yourself from the drama.

Makes the whole experience a lot more enjoyable for you...and your player.

Often times, much of the drama boils down to the fact that so many parents think their kid is the next Wayne Gretzky, Sidney Crosby, or Alexander Ovechkin. Keep your expectations realistic.

Regarding your kid being the next Gretzky -- don't request to wear #99.

Just...don't.

Some parents stand out for the wrong reasons.

Don't be one of those parents. That's all it really comes down to.

Down the road, your kid could be the best player around...but won't make the team because of your actions, history, or notoriety.

No program wants a high maintenance family. No coach wants the headache of an overzealous parent with dad-goggles on. A squeaky wheel might get the grease...but it's really annoying too.

You and your kid are part of a package deal -- never forget that.

Every parent is acting in the best interests of their children...but there's a line where you can start, unknowingly if you're not careful, undermining what they could achieve on their own...

Really reflect on what's causing the strife -- whether it's a program issue, a coaching issue, a roster issue, or a "you" issue.

Navigating it all is like one of those old "Choose your own Adventure" books that seemed super cool but always left you feeling shortchanged. Maybe that was just me...

Point is, choose your course of action wisely.

Should you decide to switch programs for any reason at all -- leave on good terms.

Messy break-ups in hockey are, well, let's just say it would be ill-advised to go that route.

Don't go nuclear.

Don't even burn a bridge or two.

Bad news travels real fast...

Don't let your reputation precede you, the responsible parent. It'll undoubtedly come back to haunt your player down the road.

With other programs, not just the specific one you burned.

So, quick recap...

Separate yourself from drama.
Be realistic regarding your child's talent level.
Don't stand out for the wrong reasons.
Don't run your mouth or go nuclear.

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Agree? Disagree? Let me know -- I love the feedback from all angles!

Chris Rutsch

Hockey Dad

Year round, I spend a significant amount of time and money transporting my three boys to and from freezing cold ice rinks. Not because I expect them to make it to the NHL but because I know the rigorous youth hockey experience will serve them well in the future.