Early Season Drama -- Ain't no one got time for that!

Start popping the popcorn!

So, I should have seen it coming but one of my kid's teams has drama swirling about the bleachers already.

Yep, less than 2 weeks into the season.

You know the drill -- couple whispers from the corners along the glass get louder and louder, a couple parents start making the rounds trying to be covert, working the crowd, looking for support or whatever, and before you know it -- boom, a parent meeting notification shows up on the team app for when the kids are on the ice.

Sigh...

I won't even provide background here or the specifics of what's swirling out in the open besides saying a few parents expectations aren't being met and they want answers.

Immediate answers.

And they're bringing it to a head...and trying to build a base around their concerns as if it's a full blown, united, mutiny.

Two weeks into the season.

I know, right?

It's the same everywhere.

If you have an older player, you know EXACTLY what I mean.

Practices are terrible. Coaches are inadequate. Opponents aren't high enough quality. Dads insisting they're coaches. And "We're not getting what we were promised" claims...

Same old stuff...

If you're new to this...read on -- your perspective might change.

Or, at the very least, you'll be prepared for when this happens to you...because it will.

This is the ugly side of youth hockey.

I'll redact the stuff that's really local or disparaging towards area programs...but leave everything else in.

No links out to related articles I've written in the past or anything...just raw loosely thrown together notes.

This is all regarding a first year squirt team. Nine year olds.

Truth is -- we have schedule conflicts the night of the actual meeting so I'm not sure me or my wife will even attend -- frankly, we don't want to participate -- but it was on my mind all day today so I put down my thoughts for what I thought I might like to say before it gets fiery...

While this post isn't as geographically neutral as I like to make the articles on the website, I still think hockey parents might find some of it insightful.

Here goes:

So I'm not a part of the parent group that's concerned or even requested this meeting.

I don't really have any team specific concerns or complaints.

Truthfully, I wanted to bring popcorn and bite the insides of my cheeks as a wall flower...but at the same time, I really care about youth hockey and for the people in here that do know me, they know I’m really verbose when it comes to youth hockey...so I put together my thoughts in advance.

And it's long. Sorry.

Not sorry.

I've got three kids playing hockey so this is my third go-around – I’m getting pretty good at this.

Emmet's oldest brother is at a really high level, potentially on the cusp of tuition free opportunities, and his other brother is just a step away from that too. Sorry Bobby, prep school isn't in the plan.

------------------

Have I been blown away by the team practices I've attended so far this season?

No, not really...but it's the start of September and this is a really, really, really green team and I get the vibe that a lot of the families are pretty new to this. A lot are still figuring it out -- players and parents.

So, I just want to start and explain something that I'm thinking a lot of the parents new to hockey aren't aware of and it's seldomly explained well in these higher level programs.

Connecticut's CHC -- the main "league" we're in -- rigidly follows USA Hockey's guidelines and doesn't have a U9 division.

U9 does not exist.

Squirt Minor is not a division.

There are no "A" teams of 9 year olds in the CHC. It's not a thing.

Nearly all of the teams that we're playing, in-state, are CHC programs.

They are U10 teams. All of them.

A Squirt "A" team in Connecticut will be mostly made up of 10 year olds.

A Squirt "A1" team, same thing.

Squirt "B" teams in Connecticut will even be predominantly 10 year olds as well.

Our team is made up of 9 year olds. And very green 9 year olds, at that.

I don't know everyone on this team yet but I can only think of two or three of the players that have extensive full ice experience already...and I won’t speak for them but I'm pretty certain that none of their parents are concerned right now.

Experience has taught us that this is a long road.

------------------

Now, the AHF league that the Wolf Pack are also a part of *does* have a U9 division.

It's a birth year league. It's a Black Bear thing -- I won't even go into that. Supplemental scheduling partner stuff. Ask me later if you care...

So, those were the teams we faced down in New Jersey a couple weeks ago and in the Spring for parity games and you saw how that went.

We lost.

To really good teams.

Like, it wasn't even close. They crushed us.

And, backing up a moment, let's talk about parity.

I'm going to assume most of the parents here were blindsided when told we had hockey games in April down in Pennsylvania.

But that's the level you signed up for! This is a big commitment.

CHC teams don't do that.

Most CHC parents don't even know things like that exist.

The difference between those AHF teams and ours? Like, the reason we lost so badly?

It's not age.

It's experience. And with experience, comes skill. Those teams were overflowing with players far more skilled than ours.

Skill development comes from professional coaches.

I knew two of the opposing coaches at parity -- they both played pro.

As time goes on, you’ll recognize the value of that.

Now I've heard that one of the complaints on this team is that our coaching ranks aren't deep enough...and that's a green hockey parent mindset.

My two older boys who play at a very high level -- legit AAA or Elite or whatever you want to call it -- got there because they had great coaches.

Not an army of coaches.

One coach on the bench. One message.

Maybe two coaches -- aligned with the exact same message.

I’ve heard through the grapevine that some of the families don’t think this team or program are living up to expectations.

I'm, admittedly, a youth hockey snob -- I expect excellence.

If my kid's head coach doesn't have an Elite Prospects page or has a less impressive hockey resume than my 15 year old, I'm not interested.

Look up Adam.

Look up Zach.

Look up Chase.

Look up Bobby.

Some really impressive hockey resumes in this room.

They pass the sniff test.

You're not going to find coaching ranks like that anywhere else around here -- great coaches are hard to find.

Especially for this age group!

If you don't know what Elite Prospects is -- you may have inadvertently just stepped onto the wrong train.

If you want 5 dads on the bench that acquired most of their hockey prowess on an Xbox or maybe played a little in high school 25 years ago screaming meaningless instruction from the bench, this is not the program for you.

███████████, ███████ ██, ████ ████████, ████, or ███████ ███ █████ are what you're seeking.

This is not rec league soccer or little league baseball.

It might feel like you just signed up and were placed on this team this past March...but I assure you it will not be like that next year.

Yes – 10 year olds get cut at this level.

See ya, bye.

------------------

My son plays here because of the coaching.

My son plays here because he gets the opportunity to play against higher end competition – those AHF teams and, down the road, THF teams.

My son plays here because I know, and expect, it will lead to having an Elite Prospects profile of his own.

It's part of the path.

An already paved path.

And I'm not a homer, look, I have a long list of gripes with this program, this building, Black Bear, you name it -- I've pulled two kids from this program over the past few years – one mid-season, even -- but have to give credit where credit is due.

The high end coaching at the Wolf Pack promoted, showcased, and guided my kids to an even higher level.

That's my expectation here for Emmet and I saw it last year, the year before that, and I see it again this year already.

Chase and Adam will forever be valuable resources that my kids can reach out to during their hockey careers. They've done it already.

Zach’s new but he’s clearly a good coach provided the parents don’t run him off course.

Have you seen him skate? Wouldn’t you like to see your kid skate like him?

They will if you stay out of the way.

You won't find a coaching crew like this at a CHC specific program -- those programs are more akin to elementary school gym class floor hockey with volunteer teachers.

So, again, I'm not sure that everyone knows quite what they signed up for here at the Wolf Pack and I think a lot have really disconnected expectations too.

Just because the game jersey has that AHF logo on it or the helmet has cool stickers doesn't immediately make your son or daughter better than the CHC kids.

It doesn't.

But it does represent that you've made a committment to a program that will launch your kid higher than any of those programs if you stick with it.

That's where the value lies.

As you get deeper and deeper into this hockey experience, you'll come to realize there are a number of leagues higher than this that most hockey families don't even know exist.

Try to keep the ego in check -- your kid is entry level right now but you're on the express elevator.

------------------

Now, regarding the schedule and the opponents – I’m referring to the Connecticut based CHC games -- yeah, we're not playing or scheduled to play many "A" teams right now.

Don't be concerned by that, though.

They're older than us. They'll destroy us. At this age, a single year is huge.

That's why we're not playing against them. It doesn't benefit anyone.

A1 teams should be appropriate competition by late-October provided the kids buy into the coaching and start taking practice more seriously.

B-team competition could be perfect or it could be a blowout.

It's an inexact science -- some programs are stronger than others. There's no way around that this early in a season until we have some common opponents to gage the level of the teams we haven't faced.

Many programs in Connecticut like to pump their own tires and call their only team an "A" team when, on the ice, they're a shell of that.

████, I'm looking at you right now.

You'll learn that over the years...which teams are a total joke and which aren't.

------------------

Since Covid, there aren't any birth year teams in Central CT that solely play in birth year leagues that I'm aware of. It used to be MassConn, the Connecticut Chiefs, Elite in Northford, and the SoNo Whalers in Norwalk.

If anyone mentions Mid-Fairfield...stop, just stop.

The Wolf Pack were not part of that group -- they always kept a toe in the CHC to limit the travel and follow all of the USA Hockey regulations to send a team to nationals.

Ignore that at the squirt level -- don't get ahead of yourselves, it means nothing to this age group. Or ask me about it later...

My older boys played for the Chiefs as mites and squirts.

We had games in Augusta, Maine on Saturday and games in Dover, Delaware on Sunday.

Good times.

Sure -- every team we played was a birth year team and the competition was great...but the travel was ridiculous.

As I said, since Covid and the restricted state travel rules associated with it -- MassConn doesn't travel like that anymore, the Chiefs don't do it anymore, and Elite doesn't do it anymore either.

You don't want to do that. Trust me.

It was pretty silly for 36 minute games.

------------------

What I've learned over a decade of doing this is that the best development comes from great coaches -- individual coaches -- as well as playing against older and more skilled competition to gage where you player lies in the grand scheme of things.

The Wolf Pack offer both – great coaches and challenging opponents.

Without the crazy travel!

Even better -- we're not a "B" or secondary team like other programs have under their umbrella. If you've played within that type of organization, you quickly realize, you're an afterthought if you're not part of the top team.

You think the C team at the ███████ ██ ████████ gets any perks? Or high end coaches?

Nope.

Just a collection of dads opening and closing the bench doors saying “Good job!”.

That’s not coaching.

You don't want that.

If anything, you don't want any parents on the ice at all.

And, next year, whoever stays with this team will be on an absolutely dominant U10 Wolf Pack team.

Just look at the 2014 team right now. My kid was on that team for two seasons. They're the real deal.

Adam coached almost all of them -- and we had a goofy meeting exactly like this in early September where certain parents were all up in arms about transparency and false promises.

One family effectively punched out right then and there, during the meeting. It was so awkward.

But everyone else bought in -- that 2014 Squirt team is going to dominate this year...and the family that blacklisted themselves regrets their exit.

I guess I'm just saying that this is history repeating -- I've seen it before -- and it's silly to get all up in arms just two weeks into a season when it's clear some of our players don't even know which side to line up on for a faceoff.

Newsflash: they're not elite.

------------------

And that's the thing, we lost those games because a majority of our players haven't had good coaching yet.

I'm sure someone in here is feeling buyer’s remorse and thinking, "Oh, I should have gone to the ██████ instead."

It's not that simple, though. You'll soon learn that you’ve just got onto the train that isn't the kind you can just sign up for. The ██████ have a mite program feeding their squirt team.

The kids on their top U9 team aren't failing to grasp offsides. They can do backwards crossovers too. Bar down? No problem.

Not being harsh, the players on our team wouldn't have made that top team in █████████ back in March.

By the end of this season, though, if the kids buy in and stop fooling around, we'll compete with them just fine. Huge coaching advantage.

And that's another thing -- yes, hockey is supposed to be fun -- Adam is going to say fun and Zach is going to say fun...but, at the same time, it's not play time.

It's not fun time. It's not recess. It's work.

If the kids aren't ready to be serious for 90 minutes on practice or game days -- it's an uphill battle.

I wasn't here for the off-ice the other night...but it's not hard to imagine. We’re all parents – we can read between the lines of the parent chat.

We have a smattering of kids that spend all of the warm-up laps trying to trip each other.

That doesn't usually lead to becoming a skilled hockey player. I wish the coaches would send kids to the locker room for nonsense like that – but that would just result in more irate parent meetings.

And, I'll tell you one thing -- the ███████████ █████ don't offer a personal trainer to their squirt team. CHC programs don’t do that sort of thing

That's what the Wolf Pack offer over the competition. That's where your tuition is going.

But you also have to be realistic about that too. Nine year olds aren't in there pumping iron...nor should they be.

But if your kid isn't buying in -- they're not going to succeed in this environment.

And if the players don't get themselves under control -- we're gonna lose that opportunity...or it'll be dumbed down to the point that it's a detriment to the players here that actually are trying to get better.

Seen that too. Jumping jacks for days...

Fact -- we left mid-season for a more "serious" group of players for that reason.

So, like, I guess I'd like to suggest everyone just take a step back and look at it from afar.

You're two weeks into a decade long journey – provided hockey is your thing.

It's not time to panic or create drama where there is none.

Meetings like this are a great way to ruin a hockey season – parent’s drama shouldn’t ruin their kids’ season.

You just don’t know that yet.

You don’t know what you don’t know. I get it. Experience for the parents is huge too.

I'm trying to explain things cause, for the most part, I've been there and done that.

You’re embarking on something that’s a large time commitment.

Youth hockey, at this level, is a full time family commitment. You have to be all in.

That said, tonight’s practice will not be the be-all, end-all of your kid’s illustrious future hockey career.

Do I think playing sharks and minnows at this age is below them? Absolutely...but I’m not going to get all up in arms over it.

It's not worth it. It's five minutes of ice time. Not a big deal.

Drive your kid here.

Get them here on time.

Help them get dressed for a few more weeks.

Make them carry their own equipment.

Watch from the stands.

Go easy on the crazy hand signals.

Give them moral support and encouragement during the car rides.

That’s it.

That’s high end hockey parenting, in a nutshell.

My go-to in the car and before Emmet steps on the ice -- "Be serious, no fooling around..."

It works maybe 90% of the time...until some blowhard tries to trip him or cup check him. Then all bets are off.

But... trust the process.

And then re-assess your options in February to pick the best program for your player based on what you've experienced.

No need for drama prior to mid-February.

You'll enjoy the ride a lot more...and, three years from now when your kid’s U13 team isn’t scheduled to play U14 “A” teams...you’ll totally understand the reasons why and look back on this meeting and laugh about it.

And, now, let's queue up some Neil Diamond "September Morn" to lower the temperature around here!

It's gonna be just fine.

Go Pack Go!

---

Related Articles
   » Advantageous Character Trait Turned Upside Down
   » Everyone, Take a Knee!
   » COVID 19: Staying Sharp while Social Distancing
   » The Proper Way to Tape a Hockey Stick
   » Hill Training for Hockey Players
   » A Simple Piece of Advice: Be Nice!
   » The Ballad of Double Rostering
   » Dissatisfied with Practice?

Agree? Disagree? Let me know -- I love the feedback from all angles!