Youth Hockey ID Skate Etiquette

I saw someone ask a question in one of the Youth Hockey Facebook groups I follow asking about ID Skate Etiquette and some of the responses were really well thought out and others were, well, just terrible.

Or rude.

Or downright obnoxious.

You know -- typical internet troll stuff.

But I think the disparity of the tone, and well, advice (if you could call it that), in the responses was mostly due in part because the original question posted called something an ID Skate when it wasn't really an ID Skate.

I'll explain.

Under USA Hockey's umbrella, there are strict rules around recruiting and when tryouts can take place. The simplest way to skirt these rules is to venture into a gray area and schedule "ID Skates" as early as December.

You usually see the Spring and Summer Tournament teams doing this starting the last week of December...but it's caught on now and lots of teams hold events in January and February that they classify as "ID Skates" too.

Short answer, yes, they're tryouts. Sort of.

Truthful answer, if you had to register for it with a name, email, phone, and birth year...it's more about gaining access to your contact info so they can hound you when tryouts come up...and for every single other event they put on for all of eternity.

So, it's less about tryouts and more about growing the size of their contact list..sorted nicely into birth years.

In regards to etiquette for those, just show up.

Or don't.

They don't really care -- they have your contact details now and that was their ultimate goal.

Generate interest, evaluate the size of the turnout, and be able to contact everyone in the future.

We've attended many of these in the past and the guys out there running it have so often been midget or junior aged players within the program just kinda controlling the chaos. They're not evaluating.

And, one time, we were double booked and couldn't make it to one we'd registered for... Two days later, we received an email expounding on how great my son, who wasn't even there, looked that Tuesday night so, yeah, there's that.

If being evaluated is your concern, have your kid wear bright coloured gloves or something. Let's be honest -- when there are 50 of them on the ice, pretty much every 9 year old looks the same in a helmet.

But if one kid does something nasty and he's got bright green gloves on...you might notice. If he does it again, amongst the masses, you'll tap a brain cell and maybe the "right guy" will remember to figure out who the kid in the green gloves is.

Whatever you do, don't wear mismatched socks to get noticed -- you look like a clown.

And don't have your kid wear some NHL replica jersey. That's a costume.

May as well dress like a hamburger... Who would do that?

Oh, and, no, never wear a full game uniform. That's...I don't even know how to explain it but as your kids get older, you'll understand.

All of that aside, the original poster's "actual" question was regarding her son attending another team's practice.

She referred to it as an ID Skate but it was more of a "try practicing with another team" type thing.

Totally different scenario.

Totally different etiquette.

First -- don't just show up.

You need to be invited and, to do that, you'll often need to do a little leg work that eventually leads to inviting yourself.

Ask around, go to the team's website, look 'em up on MyHockeyRankings, and find the contact info for the coach or team manager and just plain out, upfront, ask if your kid can attend a practice.

It's as simple as that.

I've never once been told no.

One time they asked me to come the following week...but it's never been a no.

And this is where the etiquette comes in.

You've gotta say thank you.

No one likes an outward tire-kicker, you know, someone that's just taking advantage of free ice.

If you're not serious about potentially joining this team, don't ask to skate at their practices.

That's low.

Just be a good person -- don't ever waste someone else's time for your own benefit. It's fast tracking your kid to run out of options sooner than you'd even believe.

Freeloaders need not apply.

During our youth hockey journey, I can think of three dads that went out of their way to gain access to free ice anywhere they could find it.

Not one of their kids is still playing club hockey -- no program wants them. Don't destroy your kid's reputation for an hour or two of ice time.

And, honestly, speaking of wasting people's time -- if you know your kid is just coming out of a learn to skate program, don't ask to practice with some super high level AAA Elite team...unless you're under 8 years old.

In many cases, the best coaches at that age group LONG for kids that haven't yet developed bad habits...but if your son or daughter has never played above a rec level and they're nearly a teenager, don't set them up to be humiliated.

Put your ego aside and seek appropriate level teams to test drive.

Once the night comes and you're at the rink -- it's a last minute decision whether they stroll into the locker room or get dressed in the lobby or rinkside instead.

Locker rooms can be very intimidating envrionments for the new guy...especially young kids...but I've been fortunate that my kids have had the self confidence in their own abilities to walk into any room and not look as nervous as I'm sure they are deep inside. They did not inherit that trait from me.

But, on your kid's behalf, read the room too.

Don't force your kid into a locker room and start the night off emotionally wrong before they even have skates on.

Not worth it.

Anxiety is real and confidence is super important.

Now, I've never felt the need to speak to the coach but have always instructed my kids that once they're on the ice during the warm up laps, or whatever, to skate up to the coach to introduce themselves and say "Thank you" again.

Even as squirts -- when we really started to pursue this method -- I'd have my kids do it.

Sure, you're the ultimate decision maker but always remember that it's their team and their coach that they're taking for a test drive.

No coach wants a helicopter parent.

In fact, I'll say with total confidence that coaches wish they NEVER had to deal with parents of any sort.

I almost have to hold my head in my hands when I see parents hovering around the locker room after games or taking every single opportunity to try to grease the coach.

Really, no coach wants to hear a dad boast about how great his kid's crossovers are or how he scored 85 goals with his other team.

And, once you've watched enough hockey, it's not a lie that you can tell who the best players are just from their first three strides onto the ice for warm-ups.

It is that obvious to most coaches -- you can try to grease them but you're just hurting your kid's future.

(Regarding the first three strides thing -- I've clued my oldest into watching the opposing team during warm-ups. The top players "out" themselves almost instantly if you watch them, if only, briefly.)

Hockey rinks should almost have secret exits for the coaches to use to get to their cars uninterrupted.

One year, by request, my wife and I tried to run interference to help the coach get to his car. Parents wouldn't leave him alone.

So, with that in mind, take a step back and try to be a wallflower. It will serve your child well.

You and your kid are a package deal. Never forget that. Don't mess up their journey.

Just once, though, while I was already sitting in the car waiting for my kid to come out after a practice with another club, my kid came out and said, "Dad, coach wants to talk to you..." and I awkwardly strolled back in.

Sealed the deal that night, though -- practiced with them the rest of the season and signed with them for the following season the moment it was appropriate to do so.

So that's my etiquette advice.

Reach out first via email or social media.

Be gracious.

Say thank you.

Show up when you say you're going to, and when they ask you, and have your player do the rest.

Instruct them to introduce themselves to the coach.

Instruct them to say thank you when they do it.

Instruct them to say thank you after the practice too -- dollars to donuts the coach will say something along the lines of, "See you next week!"

Be nice.

Be grateful.

Oh, and AFTER the practice, have them get undressed in the locker room if they didn't get dressed in there at the onset.

Sure, there might be some snickers from the current team or inside jokes -- usually from a-holes you need not concern yourself with -- but if you practiced with them, you're just as much a part of the team as they are for that night.

And, it'll make the next night that much less awkward.

Instead of snickers, it'll be..."Oh, it's that kid again..."

As for what to wear -- maybe ask that when they initially respond and invite you to a practice. My kids have worn their current team's gear before. They've worn blank practice jerseys before. This season, the U15 team my oldest skates with each week provides him a jersey to wear for the night.

It doesn't so much matter since you'll stand out as the "new" player no matter what.

And, technically, that's the goal anyway.

Look at me! I'm new. I think I might want to play here...and that's why I'm here tonight.

I know some think wearing your current team's colours is a bad look...and I've written about that before when my kids were really young...but going in disguise doesn't work either.

Hockey world is small -- it's gonna get back to your current team that you skated with someone else.

Don't sweat it.

Oh, and happy team shopping for next season!

Agree? Disagree? Let me know -- I love the feedback from all angles!

Chris Rutsch

Hockey Dad

Year round, I spend a significant amount of time and money transporting my three boys to and from freezing cold ice rinks. Not because I expect them to make it to the NHL but because I know the rigorous youth hockey experience will serve them well in the future.