Pick a Team for Next Season...by the Coach

It's tryout season around here and things are abuzz with players coming and going and changing their minds on a daily basis!

I've long said that it's a bad idea to chase leagues when choosing a program for your son or daugther to play in.

I mean, there are two sides to that, really cause, like, you kind of should chase leagues but only to a certain point.

» It's the 5th priority on my personal list.

If I had a dollar for every parent that thought their kid was going to the NHL...that got cut by every team they tried out for as a bantam...I'd have about sixty bucks right now.

Don't chase leagues -- chase the best opportunity for your kid.

For my children, I seek for them to play in the highest league where they're still contributors.

For instance, I don't know who the third string quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs is and, on paper, he may have won multiple Super Bowls...but did he really?

You know what I mean?

Being "on the team" and "part of the team" are two very different things.

I see some parents chasing leagues and, yeah, it's great that your kid is on the number 3 team in the country but how come four of those kids have over a hundred points this season and your kid has 3?

Oh, that's right, cause your kid gets a single shift per game.

Don't do that -- youth hockey is a balance between the team and the player. Squirt, peewee, and bantam is the time to be a little selfish. What's in it for YOUR kid?

I'll tell you right now -- if your kid isn't contributing, it's gonna stop being fun really quickly. Even if your team is undefeated.

Our main focus has always been the coaching.

A great coach trumps everything and I'm sure you've seen memes or posts on social media saying that exact thing. It's very Disney-esque, sometimes.

But the coaches and the practices that they run are, 100%, what have made my kids better players -- not the teams they're on.

I realize I'm drifting into territory I've covered before where I've said the better coaches are generally in the better leagues -- and that's 100% true -- but great coaches exist in every league.

You just need to find them.

And, often, that's the hard part.

When I was a kid -- and, honestly, even within the past decade -- coaches were measured on how many wins they had or how many banners their name was plastered on.

We have a handful of prep schools around here with literal dinosaurs on the bench.

Longevity has value, absolutely, and I hate to discount that but these coaches in their 70's or 80's aren't still "great" coaches.

Especially for children.

It was a different time when these guys got their start -- there are so many younger coaches out there with styles that connect so much better with kids born within the past 20 years.

I'd think twice about having my son play for a team with an octogenarian coach.

Legend or not -- the game has rapidly changed over the past twenty years and these guys come from an era that preceded that by 40+ years.

The 1968 Olympic teams wouldn't stand a chance against a decent junior team today.

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I'm not one to name drop, it feels braggadocious, but the other night while my son was on the ice, a former NHL player (36-goal scorer, too) came over to shoot the breeze.

It's awkward for me because he once visited my 3rd grade classroom for a Campbell's Soup label fundraiser thing (remember those?) and I even had a poster of him on my wall growing up...yet here he is coming over to talk to me.

Working in pro hockey "conditioned" me to never fan boy.

I sometimes worry that I might come off as rude or, like, ignorant to who these guys are (or were) and some don't take well to that.

True story -- Sean Avery is an asshole.

Except...he's not.

If you treat him like you would a normal person, he returns the favor.

If you go up to him and are like, "Oh my god, remember that time you screened Marty Brodeur..." you'll get a different guy.

And not for calling Martin...Marty.

I mean, I'm not a celebrity...but, in hockey circles, I've been behind closed doors with tons of them.

It wears them down.

I mean, they love it.

And, someday, they'll miss it.

But, most of the time, they just want to be treated like a normal person.

Anyway, he came over to talk about how much the game has changed and I've done posts about that on here before how I've found history repeats itself -- the ebb and flow of hockey.

As we were admiring the young coaching staff on the ice with the kids, he talked about things regarding how many NHL coaches, ones that had early success, had failed to adapt and evolve to how coaching was now.

We weren't talking about Mike Babcock...but he's a great example.

And you have to know where guys like that are coming from -- the coaches he had would be walked out in handcuffs today.

You need to adapt.

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Adaptation aside, I've found my kids better respond to coaches that they see are still better at hockey than they are.

Full disclosure -- my kids are all better at hockey than I am. I can't teach them or physically demonstrate anything to them at this point which is precisely why I will never coach them again.

Sure, USA Hockey says I'm qualified and I went through all of the required modules to coach mites through peewees...but I'm not a coach. Not a good coach, anyway.

My kids perform for coaches that they think are cool.

Coaches that talk to them like hockey players.

Coaches that can do the Michigan.

Coaches that aren't a teammate's dad. More on that, later...

It's a huge stride in the right direction when your kid thinks their own coach is AWESOME.

"I wanna be like that guy!"

They absorb so much more in that environment and with that kind of leadership.

It's no longer enough to just tell the players what you want them to do -- you need to be able to show them...and make they want to do it too.

I take it back to my own high school track coach that I've mentioned on here a few times before. I was never much of a hockey player but I was a very gifted distance runner.

The head coach of the track team was the gym teacher -- old school gym teacher. Huge, barrel-chested, crew cut wearing, drill instructor type wiht a whistle always around his neck. He was in his 70's.

We respected him, absolutely, were maybe a little afraid of him too...but also knew he was more a figure head than anything else.

He never actually showed us what to do -- he just looked the part of a high school coach.

Our "real" coach was a guy that had gone to our high school and was maybe 10 years older than us. He had his own car, he had a hot girlfriend, he'd buy us beer, and, all told, he was the coolest guy around.

For practice, he's tell us to go run like 7 miles while he'd lie on the pole vault foam pit and work on his tan.

Sounds awful, right?

Except if one of us challenged him, he'd roll off the giant mattress moaning and groaning, take his sunglasses off and say, "Alright, let's go."

This guy could out run me in a 5000 meter race.

He could outsprint the sprinters in 100 meters.

He could out jump the high and long jumpers.

He could pole vault.

He could launch the shot put further than anyone.

Basically -- everytime someone called him out...he'd shut them down with a display of his own athletic ability...and then go back to lie down and work on his tan.

In addition to being super cool, in our eyes, we respected him too. He was the perfect coach, at the perfect time, with the right team.

He was better than us.

All of us.

And that led us to multiple state titles.

And it hit me like a slap in the face just a couple of years ago when one of my kids had a coach that was 20-something years old fresh off of a pro career -- it was the same spark that I got from my high school track coach.

My kid thought his coach was "cool".

He wanted to impress the cool guy.

Next thing I knew -- all three of my kids were playing for coaches they thought were cool...and all three flourished.

We're in the midst of tryouts right now and while talking to another parent contemplating their next move, I uttered something ridiculous.

I preceded it by saying, "This is going to sound really obnoxious and over the top, expectation-wise, but...my kids won't play for a coach that didn't play pro."

There. I said it again.

I know, crazy, right?

I mean, my youngest just turned 9 years old and I'm saying crazy stuff like that.

But here's the thing -- since he was 7 years old, he's had two coaches. Both played pro hockey.

My middle son's coaches -- he double rostered this past season -- both played pro.

My oldest son's coaches...both played pro. His coach next season played in the NHL.

Every one of my kids turned a corner the moment they thought their coach was cool.

Every one of my kids turned a corner when these pro hockey players started talking to them like teammates.

It wasn't Brian's dad anymore.

Or some guy that plays men's league on Wednesday nights with bums like me.

The message is coming from a professional hockey player that they look up to in every aspect.

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Fear tactics or bullying, from a coaching perspective, aside from feeling really cringey these days, just doesn't work any more.

Even at the pro level?!

Mike Babcock demonstrated that. John Totorella will likely be the last of that "type" in the NHL. Players -- in any professional league -- do not respond positively to that kind of treatment. Their methodologies are old fashioned and, well, not really tolerated any more.

I mean, it doesn't work as a parenting method any more either.

My kids are certainly not motivated by fear. They punch out...and go do something else.

And it's not a lesson in adversity either -- I had one parent adamantly defend a coach after we'd left the team saying that the guy's tactics were teaching the kids how to overcome adversity and to become stronger willed parents.

Hardly shocking, that parent came to his senses and pulled his kid from the team mid-season the next November.

We laugh about it now.

The coach is so, so, so, so important.

So, yeah, when I'm looking at teams, the first thing I do is look up the coach on Elite Prospects.

If they're not listed there, well, it gives me pause.

We all know a coach or colleague who claims they "played back in college", kind of inferring that they played college hockey...

Technically...even I played college hockey.

I could make that claim!

It's true. Sort of.

But I don't show up in Elite Prospects...and that's a good thing...cause I played maybe 6 games total in a "lower than club" inter-university league.

What you think of when you hear "college hockey" is not the level I played.

Not even close.

Queen's Engineering against University of Toronto Commerce.

We played McGill's med school grad student team once too -- I remember cause I scored.

Not worthy of mention, though...none of that garbage shows up on Elite Prospects.

And Elite Prospects has 12 year olds listed?!

One of my kids is even on there.

If his coach isn't, well, that's not good enough for me.

If they were born after 1980, and they played at a high level, there's gonna be record of it.

For the amount we're paying in tuition, I want an expert teaching them.

Not some guy pretending.

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Now, all that said, an impressive hockey resume or pedigree isn't necessarily the only thing that matters.

I mean, while I was working in the AHL, in regards to my OFF ICE role, I'd frequently get quips like, "Yeah, but did you play?" as if that was the be-all, end-all of anything relating to hockey.

Wayne Gretzky is a great example of a guy who was an outstanding hockey player but substandard coach.

There is a balance.

I've found the best coaches are guys that made it to the pro level...but are also teachers.

They have the ability to show people HOW they got that far.

Wayne Gretzky lacks that trait. Tons of elite athletes are like that -- that can just do it...but they can't teach someone else how to do it.

So, on that note, outside the Elite Prospects entries, you want to seek coaches that have a history of moving kids upward and onward. One coach we routinely work with topped out playing D3 College hockey, nothing to sneeze at, but I know some of you reading are thinking that I'm not of the mindset, NHL or nothing!

But he's an outstanding skills coach -- the best we've found. He knows how to make players better than he was. We've seen NHL guys working with him!

And this is where having a wide hockey social circle comes in handy -- ask around!

Especially other parents that have older children that you think have moved upward and onward.

For us, I like to think my kids have been moving up, year over year. There have been a few lateral moves but, overall, they're still progressing up the ladder.

We've left teams or coaches in the past because they were just awful. And we've also left teams or coaches because the coaches moved us up and onward.

There's always a little more to the story when a player switches programs -- sometimes it's for all the right reasons and the prior coach should get all of the credit...as you leave them in the rear view.

Parents will tell you that, too.

I didn't go to this new team cause the coach last season sucked. So-and-so was awesome -- he got my kid to the next level. That's why we left.

You can only learn of those things by asking around...or doing a ton of Elite Prospects homework and backing in where former players ended up two or three seasons down the road.

The more you do that sort of thing, the easier it is to isolate better coaches and programs to play for.

No, on to that "parent coach" thing I said I'd come back to.

It's such a delicate subject because, well, parent coaches are so prevalent in youth sports.

And, usually, they have the best intentions too. You have to applaud them.

But, too often, they can't help but outwardly seek to showcase their own kid. I mean, that's good parenting, right there. I can't fault it.

And you can say so-and-so is different or this guy doesn't do that...but really, step back and really observe objectively.

I've encountered a few exceptions but, by and large, the parent coach's kid is undersized and wouldn't be offered a spot if his dad weren't the coach.

Dad is opening the doors...and I don't mean the bench doors.

I know, I know...that's a huge generalization but when I think back through every team we've played for, or considered playing for, or against, that had a parent coach, it's almost cookie cutter.

I'm not saying the kids aren't great hockey players, some of them have been -- I'm just saying if my kid showed up and was half the size of everyone else on the ice, he'd be written off immediately. Don't come back tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the coach's kid hops over the boards on every power play. Been there, seen it.

I feel bad for the kid, honestly. There comes a point where, like, they're gonna figure it out. Often, it's the day that dad isn't a coach any more.

It's almost like setting your own kid up to fail -- you pump their tires and inflate that ego and then when they set off on their own, reality hits hard.

My oldest son has had a parent coach three times. One was amazing, one was alright, one was the worst experience we've ever had in youth hockey. Like, so bad, I won't even talk about it on this site.

My middle son hasn't had very many coaches -- that's not a good thing, variety is a plus -- but the one parent coach he had was a phenomenal coach for the age group. That's why we stuck with him as long as we did.

My youngest son has never had a parent coach...and that's cause I've evolved as a hockey parent. I'm far more selective.

The past three seasons -- and keep in mind, my youngest just turned 9 years old:

• My youngest has had two coaches -- both played professionally. One even coached professionally.
• My middle one has had seven coaches -- three played pro, two played D3, and one was still actively playing D3 hockey. The team he double rostered with and has since left...had two parent coaches.
• My oldest has had five coaches -- all played pro, one in the NHL, one coached professionally, two coach at the NCAA level, and one coaches at prep school. He's my most skilled player due largely to the fact that he's had such high end coaching teaching him.

I'm just saying, in my experience, it makes a huge difference.

The kids look up to them.

You really want to see kids light up -- have them go see their coach play in a professional or college game. The kids...want their coach's autograph.

I'll tell you right now, I never wanted my hockey coach's autograph.

It was Patrick's dad.

I think we worked at a bank. He was the Cub Scout leader guy too.

Like, not cool. Not one bit.

And, think, for $5k+ tuition, wouldn't you prefer to have someone that made it farther than your kid will likely make it showing them what to do versus the guy shooting from the hip that may or may not have played "cawlidge" hockey?

Now, of course, there are always exceptions. I know, I know...

Most of those expections, though, I've found, is when the parent coach...also played professional hockey.

A coach with professional experience -- or high level junior or college hockey experience -- is defintely something to seek out.

Don't ever trust their bios on some sheet of paper on a table at tryouts.

Do your homework, look 'em up on eliteprospects.com.

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