Know when to Walk Away.

So my oldest son has been helping out with our local rink's Learn to Play Hockey program on the nights when he doesn't have practice.

It's real beginner stuff where some of the kids are still in that "learn to skate" zone but most everyone reading this already knows that, at the onset, it's all about time on the ice and less about actual instruction.

I mean, there are always those parents wondering why the kids aren't all lining up on the goal line and learning hockey stops and backwards crossovers on day one but, the fact is, they need to be able to skate before you can even start any of that.

I think I mentioned it once on a post here before -- the best "intro to hockey" program I ever experienced was essentially very loosely monitored stick and puck time.

Zero direction. Minimal instruction.

A couple dozen kids out there with sticks and pucks doing whatever they felt like.

Some parents were livid over the lack of instruction.

Those parents were wrong.

Your toddler-aged upside down turtle isn't going to become a "skater" in an hour via instruction.

So, basically, my teenage son is merely supervising and providing encouragement.

Anyway, at the most recent "session", he was trying to help out a kid that insisted on using one of those walker things.

Never been a fan. My kids never used them.

But I get it.

So, the kid stepped out on to the ice...and refused to move, clutching that big plastic contraption for dear life.

I get that too.

Totally normal to freeze in scary and uncomfortable situations.

Five minutes passed.

Ten minutes passed.

My son was continually trying to get this little guy to shuffle his feet forward, but he wasn't budging. It was painful to watch -- I could tell my son felt helpless as everything he tried failed to connect.

The issue wasn't the kid leaning to skate or even a lack of encouragement from my kid trying to get him to move...

The issue was that the kid's parent was literally 18 inches away on the other side of the glass.

Kid kept turning his head to look at dad and dad kept making motions to shoo him away.

Repeat, one hundred times.

And this is one of those things I still see in midget level games -- parents need to be more self-aware of when they're helping a situation and when they're not.

Like, we all have kids, right?

Most of us dealt with daycare at one point or another too.

You know what daycare providers hate most?

It's when a parent lingers with their screaming, distraught, kid during drop-off.

True story -- I once had the admin of a daycare tell me that they love when dads drop off because they're more apt to dump and run, ignoring their kid's tears.

That's not to say that dads are cold or don't care...I just think, in general, we're more thinking -- I'm paying this place a ton of money so this screaming kid is their problem for the next 10 hours...as we scoot out the door.

But you know what happens less than 30 seconds after you finally leave?

Yep, your kid accepts that you're not there and is just fine and totally content participating with the group.

Every experienced parent knows this...but seems to forget too.

And this is exactly the scenario I saw my son struggle through last night...as if he were the daycare provider.

If that parent had moved, you know, stationed themselves somewhere where they could still watch but not where their kid could see them, that kid probably would have shuffled from one end of the ice to the other with that walker thing...and then done it without it too.

Dare I say it...that kid might have actually ice skated.

Instead, the poor kid moved maybe six feet over the course of an hour and didn't get any more comfortable in skates or on the ice.

The huge upside to the entire scene is that my son isn't the only instructor or even the main instructor.

Had it been just one coach out there, as I've seen in the past, ten other kids' experience that night would've been severely underwhelming.

And, this is a bit of a tangent, but that's something that will continually plague every kid's youth hockey experience.

One distraction -- one kid fooling around or refusing to participate -- can disrupt an entire team.

As a parent -- don't be the reason your kid might be a distraction...

So, I have this issue with my youngest -- the whole turning around to look at dad thing.

I'm the type of parent that likes to watch hockey practice.

Now, I know what you're thinking -- this guy is a helicopter parent constantly in the coach's ear blabbing about how great his zero points per season kids are.

I wouldn't classify myself as a helicopter parent...more a wallflower.

I like to be in the room...but not draw an ounce of attention.

I know what I know, the coach sees what they see.

If I really don't like it -- I can steer my kid elsewhere next season. Been there, done that. Quietly, every time.

No need to confront coaches or, get this, be a distraction to the team. I'd even go far as to say we've had a few coaches that never even figured out which kid I was a parent of. Yep -- that invisible. Ha!

Anyway... at the mite level, most of the parents are in there watching every second. Squirt too.

When peewee rolls around, some parents are dumping and running while others congregate in the parking lot over a few drinks.

At bantam, the number of parents in the stands or standing on the glass dwindles to single numbers...I'm one of those guys still in there.

You may have heard me utter, "I like to see what I'm paying so much money for," but that's just a front -- I truly just enjoy watching teams practice. Ambient rink noise is relaxing for me.

My kid doesn't even have to be out there -- I like the drills, I like "evaluating" the different coaching styles and how effective they are, and I really enjoy seeing people get better at what they do...right before my eyes.

I even enjoy watching the figure skaters when they're on the ice before the hockey players are.

It's like those feel good videos you see on social media where someone tries something over and over and over and over until finally completing it. I'm thinking that little girl attempting the box jump that goes viral every other year. Or those back flip progression montages. Or the skateboarder ones.

But, yeah, before the learn to play session started last night, there was figure skater trying to do some sort of double or triple spin jump thing -- I don't know it's technical name -- but she'd go all the way down the ice, picking up momentum, and then at the last minute, pull up, and just do a single...and then audibly swear at herself.

She did it maybe 6 times in a row, never once really going for it.

When she did go for it, she fell...and the little hockey kids waiting their turn on the ice laughed.

Awkward.

I've seen her building up and attempting this jump for a few weeks now. Every now and then, she'd get it, but the landing was rough.

Last night, she nailed it.

Smoothly.

I don't know her name, I don't know how high a level skater she is, and I don't know what the move is called.

But I saw her accomplish a challenging feat...and I enjoy that sort of thing.

Anyway, I've been informed numerous times that parents can NOT watch high school hockey practices.

There may be some truth to this as it's rare to see any parents in the building for high school aged kids...and that troubles me a little bit.

I mean, I get it -- some parents are ABSOLUTELY distractions and, in addition, no one likes having someone watch over their shoulders.

Especially a coach of kids that are up to 18 years old -- there is yelling and there is profanity.

Less than there used to be, sure, but for some of those older coaches, yeah, the last thing they want is a sensitive parent taking it all in. I get it.

My oldest son isn't playing high school hockey and doesn't really have the desire to...but I did do my due diligence last year to size up that route.

That's right -- I went to a couple of their practices, the high school team he'd play for, parked my butt in the last row of the stands and watched.

I could tell it caused some discomfort for the coaches -- and I'm pretty sure the trio of them huddled the team together to ask whose dad it was up there in the corner preparing to humiliate some kid and then tell me to scram.

Realizing that I didn't belong to any of his players and that, well, it wasn't a "closed" event (my kids were on after), he couldn't do anything about it.

So I watched...and judged.

For what it's worth -- I'm glad my kid has no plans to play for the high school this season or next. I'll leave it at that. (or you can read more here.)

So, two things.

If my older boys ever said -- "Dad, it's embarrassing that you watch practice," I'd disappear immediately, sit in the car, and stare at my phone.

So far, they haven't.

And it's funny because I go out of my way to embarrass them every single day -- yeah, that's right, I think Olivia Rodrigo is pretty cool and so is Taylor Swift and, yeah, I'd put a "Cattitude" sticker on my car if someone bought me one -- but they're not embarrassed by my presence in a hockey rink at all.

Even when I do embarrassing things.

If they didn't want me there -- they'd tell me.

I've even asked if it bothers them and prepared myself for the response I don't really want to hear.

So far, they don't mind me being there...and even wonder where I went when I rarely do stroll out to the car or lobby for better wifi.

But then there's my youngest...

He's the type of player that will be on a breakaway and still look over to make eye contact with me to make sure I'm watching.

For him -- I am a distraction.

Look, we all have those moments when we want our kids to look up at us so we can give the goofy hand signals to let them know to skate faster or try harder or whatever.

My oldest son still glances over quickly during stoppages when he's coming off the bench on to the ice. Never during play, never before a face off. Just when he's skating into position when he comes off the bench during a stoppage. I'm not sure I've offered up a hand gesture for him for nearly 4 years now...but do appreciate he still looks for me in the crowd.

My middle son never looks up. Ever.

And he's the type of player that, maybe, just maybe, would benefit from some awkward arm movements from dad?! Since he never looks up, though, he's sparing me my own embarrassment.

But the youngest...

I mean, part of it is that I know he's looking for approval. And part of it is just mugging -- I take pictures at many of his games and when he scores, he's hyper aware of which direction to celebrate.

I applaud that type of spatial awareness...but also hate it.

He's better when I'm NOT in the building. Games and practice.

And so I've tried really hard this season to either not be in the building or just not watch his practices at all.

And that's the whole point of this endless set of one sentence paragraphs.

As a parent -- try to be self-aware of when it's you limiting your kid's chances of success.

I mean, just think about how silly this sounds... I can (and do) watch my almost 15-year old without issue but shouldn't be in the rink to supervise my 8-year old.

But they're both true.

If your kid is looking at you frequently from the ice or the bench...chances are, you should watch from somewhere they can't see you.

You're getting in the way.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know -- I love the feedback from all angles!

Chris Rutsch

Hockey Dad

Year round, I spend a significant amount of time and money transporting my three boys to and from freezing cold ice rinks. Not because I expect them to make it to the NHL but because I know the rigorous youth hockey experience will serve them well in the future.